october is zombie month

i’ve been thinking a lot today about dying and coming back as a zombie. i hate the idea of being dead. like, sometimes i’m sitting in my comfy chair embroidering and all of a sudden i start to think about what it’s going to be like the moment i realize i’m dying.

i know i’ll have to accept it as it’s happening, and inwardly lie to myself and think “WOW THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT I CAN RELAX FOREVER”, except it won’t be relaxing cause i’m facing eternity without conciousness or physical structure. i’ll think about this, take a deep breath, and continue backstitching, but my mind wanders right back into thinking “WHAT THE FUCK IS NOTHINGNESS? WHAT AM I GOING TO LOOK AT?! OH WAIT MY BRAIN WON’T EVEN BE WORKING AND I WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO CONCERN MYSELF WITH PROCESSING IMAGES CAUSE I’LL BE FUCKING DEAD”. and i think about the people i know that are dead and how they are now somewhere in that void, or are they? i mean, dead is dead, especially when you’re cremated and there’s not even a headstone.

which brings me to my point: i’ve always wanted to be cremated, but now i have my doubts because in the case that zombies can indeed exist, will i be left out of that group of candidates of corpses that will rise up and attack? as far as i know, there has never been a discussion of rematerialization in zombie discourse. my practical, “green-thinking” self cannot justify being buried in the earth, in a casket. especially if i die in a city, all of my recently acquired interest in urban planning leaves me to consider efficient use of space, and expanding cemetaries and including myself in one does not fall into that category. however, i have heard over the past few years of markets working towards more environmentally-minded burial practices. this place has got some great ideas.

this whole internal arguement i’ve been having is a difficult one to reconcile because i love the idea of one day rising up as a zombie. this phenomenon can bring forth what i call Incredible Transformations of the Resurrected Mortal (ITRM).

one ITRM is obvious: the idea of an alternate, SAVAGE you, one only concerned with aquiring sustenance. in my present living state i am overly concerned with what others think of me, my future job, how well i can draw, paying my rent and not going broke, whether or not i give my dog enough attention, etc. my zombie self, however, would not give a shit about any of this and instead would bust through someone’s car windshield and scoop out their throat structure with arthritic corpse fingers and then eat whatever part of them i felt like. there would be no NOTHINGNESS in my death, i would instead roam around with no worries (and hopefully a larger zombie gang) and the city would turn into some post-apocolyptic shell eventually and then if someone ended up shooting me in the brain (which i doubt actually works in real life, i’m convinced it was contrived to logically save the good-looking characters with the most lines in movies) it’s not like i’m leaving anything great behind.

the second ITRM is not so obvious, but i think helpful for those non-zombies having difficulty with the mourning process. if you’re a zombie, you’re a total asshole. but, not like an asshole who says hurtful things. it’s more like you’re devoid of all emotional capabilities. it’s not as if you’re coming back as a hovering, warmly illuminated apparition with open arms whispering the secrets to a happy life and saying “i will love you forever”. since those mourning you will probably want to approach you, you’ll probably be an asshole to them first, and they’ll either die and become a zombie and then you can terrorize the streets together or they’ll run from you and never want to think of you again. it could be great for them in the long run.

so, i’m still in a bind about my burial process because of this whole question of rematerialization. it’s hard, not only because of the two aforementioned ITRMs (if you can think of any more, please send them to me, i’d like to compose a list) but because of the endless amounts of romantic zombie imagery that exists in the internet void. much of it comes from Marvel, who is actually the inspiration for this entry.

and this cover is awesome, mostly because of the zombie nazis. i wish i had this issue (the title says it all)

i was looking at all the cover images for the issues pertaining to Zombie Month. i was listening to music on pandora, and i got really fed up with a new station i’d created on a whim – “Architecture in Helinski Radio”. i instead put on Electric Wizard Radio and was then much more inspired to meditate on the topic of my resurrection as a zombie.