SELF-INDENTITY CRISIS

sometimes i hear older women saying “hhahaha Idon’tthinkI’vefoundmySTYLEyethahahaha” when they talk about modern fashion or want their peers to accept them wearing something not from Macys. lately i’ve been eavesdropping a lot on older women’s convo hoping to hear one of them say that so i can jump in with my new counter totally-not-what-you’d-expect-a-girl-my-age-to-say line “HahahaYEAHwellapparentlyeveryoneelseHASMYFACE  andIwantitBACKnow!”

this is one facet of my on-going self-identity crisis. maybe crisis is an overstatement. maybe it’s more like a self-identity conundrum. part of this problem comes from people randomly telling me i look like celebrities. or someone they know. or the sister of someone they know. or someone they may have seen in passing when they were in college.

what the fuck. don’t tell me i look like someone else. that would be great if i was a fugitive of the law or a spy. but not if i’m going to die one day and you’re going to eventually confuse me with someone else.

I WANT TO KNOW WHO INITIATED DARK HAIR AND THICK GLASSES INTO THE SELF-CONSUMING VOID OF POPULAR FASHION.

this is part of the problem. my look is as old as i am. sometimes people call me a jew, or THE JEW as one husky-voiced cleavage-flaunting woman repeatedly referred to me as during a Christmas party last year. so my apparent jewish-academe look, which i have worked so hard not to work on, lends itself to other women in the public eye, or other girls you went to high school with or someone who sat behind you in college math 55.

list of most frequent comparisons of my look/face to people in the pop culture black  hole

1. winona ryder but i’ve heard mostly only when she was lydia in beetlejuice

2. tina fey (which terrifies me because yes, this leads to sarah palin FUUCKKKKK)

3. edith piaf, but “just the eyes really and the hair”

SO. if you’re wondering what i look like, here’s a portrait:

seriously though, i am flattered that anyone would think of winona when they look at me because she is beautiful.

i actually really look more like this:

oh wait,

NOT REALLY.